Sorry not to have been around for a while

I've been feeling a bit down lately. I just haven't felt like blogging or doing much email or anything. I've just been like asking myself what I'm doing living my life like this. I'm only 19, and yet everything is such an effort these days, even getting up from a chair. Walking is no longer a pleasure, I can't do stairs and even a few steps have me panting. What will it be like when I'm 29? The trouble is that when I'm depressed I eat for comfort and when I'm happy I eat for pleasure, so I never lose any weight.

I had to visit the Doctor's surgery last week coz my knee got really painful and started to swell up a bit. Mom and I got there and got in the elevator, as the surgery is on the 2nd floor. I pressed the button to make it go up and it just beeped and wouldn't close the doors. I tried again and it did the same again. There was a guy with a big box waiting to use it. He asked if we ladies would mind getting out for a moment and he would check it out. He got in and the doors closed. He opened them again and got his box and suggested Mom get in, so she did and it went up OK. Then it came down again and I got in and went up. The guy just grinned and said he was glad to help.


I hadn't seen the Dr for more than a year. He looked at me and shook his head. 'That gastric balloon didn't do you any good, did it?', he said. He looked at my knee and felt it and said he thought I had just sprained it. He said keep your weight off it as much as possible and walk with a cane for the moment and rest it as much as possible and take a Tylenol (pain killer) tablet when needed. He made me get on his scale and it was 276.1 kilos. He said 'Katie, I'm not surprised your legs hurt. They are carrying the equivalent of five people and they aren't designed to do that. I can see you aren't comfortable sitting in that chair. Your tummy is overflowing your lap and your breathing doesn't sound too good. You know you are slowly digging your grave with your teeth. You can't expect to have a very long life at your size. If you could only lose about 100 lbs you would feel much more comfortable, and I would feel much happier about you.' Yeah, sure, if I only could.... He said my blood pressure was a bit high but not as high as he expected, and I'm nowhere near diabetic, so that was good at least. He thought I should take medication if my BP goes any higher. It was agreed that I should register as disabled, as then we could park the car anywhere when we get the badge and I wouldn't have to walk much. So we signed all the forms and the Dr said he would deal with them. That made me feel even more depressed......

Mom and I got back in the elevator and pressed the down button and it just beeped again and wouldn't work. Then I saw a label that said Licensed for a maximum of 6 people or 400 KG. I guess Mom and I together were just overloading it..... I felt SOOOO embarrased as there were more people waiting to use it, so Mom got out and I went down and then she came down with two other guys.

I haven't really done much since then except rest my knee. I've had to give up the job at the gas station until it gets better, but the boss says I can come back when it does. I hope it will be quite soon.